WARNING - A few f-bombs in this article.
This week's Crush Of The Week is...
Now, this was inevitable. Brad Pitt is practically a universal Crush. No matter your preferences or background or anything, you undoubtedly find this man beautiful.
Pitt started his career like a lot of others, in cameo roles and TV series. Hunk, No Way Out, No Mans Land, Less Than Zero, Another World, Dallas, 21 Jump Street (alongside the also beautiful Johnny Depp), A Stoning In Fulham County.
Next came minor film roles and yet more TV - The Dark Side Of The Sun, Head Of The Class, Freddy's Nightmares, Growing Pains, Happy Together, Cutting Class, thirtysomething, The Image, Too Young To Die, Across The Tracks, Glory Days...
Then BAM, Thelma & Louise happened and a wider audience was introduced to the beautiful and very talented Mr. Brad Pitt.
Then it was a a mixture of the obscure - Johnny Suede, Contact, Two-Fisted Tales, Cool World, Tales From The Crypt, A River Runs Through It, Kalifornia, (a personal favourite) True Romance, The Favour...
The screen adaptation of Anne Rice's Interview With The Vampire: The Vampire Chronicle's was next, firmly placing Pitt in the eyes of both horror fans and vampy geeks alike.
Then followed Legends Of The Fall, cult classic Se7en and the beautifully confusing but utterly marvellous Twelve Monkeys;
Sleepers, The Devil's Own, Seven Years In Tibet...
the excellent Meet Joe Black...
1999 produced one of my absolute favourite films of all time, which Brad Pitt was lucky enough to star and absolutely excel in - the movie adaptation of Chuck Palahnuik's Fight Club
Utterly unbelievable. I sing this films praises constantly. If you haven't seen it, WATCH IT. It'll change your life.
Snatch was next, presenting Pitt as a half-comical, half-terrifying Pikey (or should I say, 'poikey'?);
The Mexican, Spy Game, a cameo on Friends and the critically-acclaimed Oceans Eleven;
(Damn, this guy has done a lot!) Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind, Freedom: A History Of Us, he even dabbled in voice acting for Sinbad: Legend Of The Seven Seas and a cameo in King Of The Hill.
Brad Pitt then bought about the destruction of many ovaries worldwide, with the release of Troy. Crikey.
Most straight men I know fancied him in this!
Pitt has gone from strength to strength since, featuring in Ocean's Twelve, Mr & Mrs Smith (alongside his beautiful wife, Angelina Jolie,) Babel, Ocean's Thirteen, The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford, Burn After Reading, The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button and Tarantino's absolutely phenomenal Inglorious Basterds;
Again, truly incredible film.
Followed by Beyond All Boundaries, Megamind, The Tree Of Life, Moneyball, Happy Feet Two, 8 and Killing Them Softly;
Pitt will next grace our screens narrating Voyage Of Time, followed by the much-anticipated World War Z. Then we can expect to see him again in Twelve Years A Slave and The Counselor. Despite age and family, it doesn't seem Pitt is slowing down and I look forward to seeing what he produces next!
I don't even need to make a written appreciation for this man. The amount of time I've spent writing this article proves just how varied and full this mans career is.
He is also universally beautiful. I mean... Look at that face.... AND THAT GLORIOUS HAIR... and that body... THE MAN IS SCULPTED FROM MARBLE BY THE GODS
YES BRAD, LOOK WISTFULLY INTO MY OVARIES
EVEN HIS HIP IS PERFECTION
LOOK AT YOUR GOLDEN LOCKS YOU FUCKING ANGEL
SWEET SWEET ANGEL BLESS THINE OVARIES
LOOK AT YOU ALL IN THE DARK OUTSIDE IN JUST YOUR SLACKS COME ON IN BRAD I WILL WARM YOU
MY OVARIES ARE DUST.
Obligatory Crying Shot;